My lovely mother is coming to visit me tomorrow! yay! So of course I tag her in my facebook status, announcing my excitement over her visit. Mom can be a little technologically slow, so I was surprised when she wrote back, "I love you too Punky!" She calls me punky after Punky Brewster: my childhood look-a-like. In response to this cyber exchange of love, a family friend of ours posted that she hopes her and her young daughter can have this type of relationship in the future. So I have (finally) reached the point of this blog post: how did we do it?
It hasn't always been sunshine and rainbows for Mom and I. When I was little I was loud, opinionated, and simply defiant at times. And as a teenager I could almost literally cut you with the tone of my voice. After one of my episodes my Mom sought the advice of my great-grandmother Vern. Vern was a special woman...and that's kind of an understatement. She broke the boundaries of feminism by attending college and graduated from Western Washington University in the 1920's. Straight off the family farm in Soap Lake, WA, she always looked ahead. Vern and my great-grandfather Jerry opened Wehmeyer's TV and Appliance in the 1950's. And rumor has it, Jerry was not the brains of the operation. But he thought he was. Vern, the genius, figured out a way to make Jerry feel like he in control, when really he was just the male figure standing behind her. Smart smart smart. HUGE digression....
Vern told my mother something that has become a sort of theme between my parents and I. She said, "whatever you do, don't break her spirit." Again an example of Vern's ability to guide her loved ones without controlling them. And that is what my parents did. I learned to channel my energy into dance and acting. Something I never mastered is controlling the tone of my voice. I can be kind of....how you say....snotty? bratty? rotten-no-good-spoiled-(etc.)? I'm a work in progress alright! leave me alone! ---it's because I can't hide my judgment of others. And quite frankly, I don't want to!
My family and I have always done things together. Whether it be snow skiing, water skiing, hiking (ugh), or [insert outdoor activity here] we always did it as a family. This disconnect from technology, and insertion into silence, forces you to communicate. Communication is a trick that came naturally to me - once you get me talking it's hard to shut me up. But seriously, I think this has to be a huge part of our friendship. We go on walks together for hours...just talking. We sit in the hot tub for hours....just talking (and sharing some beers). I know I can tell her anything without her judging me. (though we still haven't had the "virginity" talk. and we will NEVER have that talk). We have a safety-zone understanding.
Being around my mom also makes me a better person. I strive to be more like her. I'm notoriously my father's daughter - and believe me there is nothing wrong with that! It's just that, sometimes I wish I were gentle and feminine like my lil' Kell Bell. I think she's rubbed off on me. And every time I see her stand up for herself, I think maybe I have rubbed off on her also. She's just like the most welcoming, huggable person on god's green earth. She was made to be a mother. With her quiet and kind disposition, you can't help but love and respect her. She is literally the only person I don't judge! And this is why we have a great relationship:
communication
respect
judgment-free
**the hot tub**
wine tasting
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