halfway to 50

So sometimes when I'm at the gym and in need of a little added inspiration, I'll buy a magazine and read it while on the bike or elliptical. Since February is my birthday month and Cosmo has a great astrology section, I grabbed the Carrie Underwood cover-mag and took it to the gym with me. While dripping sweat onto the pages I realized something that disturbed me: I'm old. In the front of the magazine, readers can write in and tell their crazy boyfriend/college/work stories that are either embarrassing or funny. Most of these are about dating and sexual exploits. And not a single person who had wrote in was older than me. WHEN DID I GET OLDER THAN THE PEOPLE WHO WRITE IN TO COSMO?! And how do these young girls (some a mere 19) have crazy sex stories that they feel need to be nationally publicized?! Keep it in your pants people. have you no shame? geez.
It wont be until they are my age that they realize they had no business shagging their boyfriend in the public bathroom at the hockey game, and furthermore, that instead of writing the adventure into cosmo that they should be in church (or planned parenthood) confessing their sins and begging for Allah to find it in his heart to forgive them. And to not make them a rabbit in their next life. Christ.
The moral of the story isn't to have more socially acceptable morals. It's that I'm halfway to 50 and feeling old. (It's about me!!!!) I'm not even sure if my friends are going to throw me a party. Which is doubley depressing me right about now.
So funny story I remember from working for Workland & Witherspoon, a law firm here in Spokane, when I was in undergrad. They had an intern named Kelly who had gone straight from undergrad to law school and was turning 25. I remember thinking to myself, I feel so bad for her! 25. no boyfriend. not married. no prospects of marriage. Man...that would suck. Hello Karma - it's nice to meet you. again. PS you suck.
Although the whole "boyfriend" situation is still up in the air, I have no marriage prospects whatsoever. And usually I'm the poster-child for waiting until 30 for marriage (like abstinence before marriage only more plausible). But right now, I feel behind in life! No job! No husband! No his-and-hers towels! No mortgage! hell....I don't even pay my own cable bill.
To make me feel better, my dear friend Christina told me not to worry: "you're one year smarter and one year hotter than the last! Heartbreaker." it's a shameless play to my narcissism but I'll take it as truth :)
Also, just as a nail in my coffin, I have an exam ON MY BIRTHDAY. In my least favorite subject. with my least favorite professor. damn my poor life decision to go to law school.....