To Women

Well since my last post turned into a letter to myself through digression, I've decided to write a letter to women everywhere. it's based on my disappointment in their demeanor, dress, decisions, and well....shoes (I tried to think of a word for shoe that started with a "d" to continue the pattern but failed. Which I must say I don't do often). This letter stems from my new found passion with the show Mad Men. It just wrapped it's 3rd season on AMC. It's about life, love, and the world in the 1960's. It is also about female fabulousness and fashion...which is probably why I love it so much!
First, there is Joan. She is the head secretary at the advertising firm on Madison Avenue ("Mad" Men. get it?) She is the red head above this post. She has curves for days and an ass that won't quit! And the men on the show lust after her, but they also respect her because of the way that she handles herself. She knows how men and women respond to her look and she uses that to her advantage without losing her integrity.
Modern women have driven this stake between being taken seriously and being recognized ONLY for the work that they do, and the natural female sensuality. My roommate Kristin and I watch the show together and the other night she said to me, "Is it bad that I use the fact that I know men think I'm pretty to my advantage?" Anyone who knows me probably knows my response: Of course not! ....cause I do that also. I mean, why let it go to waste? And if my smile (and/or my booty) is the only thing that will set me apart from the heard, you best believe I'll be smilin' my ass off! Really....these teeth cost too much not to get some face time ;)
Joan is my favorite character. She knows who she is, what she wants, and doesn't let anyone stand in her way of her dreams. it's a great and empowering though right?

Then there is Betty Draper. She is the beautiful but brooding housewife to the main character, Don Draper. Who is gorg.eous. (yes, the punctuation was on purpose because his beauty deserves to be drawn out). I've just realized that this post is probably boring and long for those who don't know the show. Anyway, one more point before I get to my letter. Often we see Betty dressing up or dressing down and get a peak at her panties. ;) They look cumbersome but incredibly flatering! Girls didn't have the ever-present and awful "muffin top" back then because they were wearing the correct under-garments! - side note: for those who don't know what a muffin top is, it's when your pants are too fight and your extra fat/skin comes out the top of the waist-line. HUGE pet-peeve of mine. Ignore the size of the pant, wear what fits damnit!! And zero is not a size just FYI. No matter what the tag says, love every inch of yourself because, quite frankly, life is too short not to. Disclaimer: the below letter is mostly directed to girls in my generation. And not to be taken completely seriously as I am currently writing this post in jeans, Chuck martin shoes, and a sweatshirt. (though my below point about Crocks is to be taken as seriously as the word of Joseph Smith (hahahahaha!) but no really.)
So here it is, my letter to women (narrated by god/allah/jesus/Krishna/Buddah/my personal savior: Coco Chanel:

Dear ladies,

In review of the past few decades I cannot help but notice that there has been a decline in the use of the tools given to you. I choose to believe that this oversight is not on purpose and rather an unfortunate casualty of the new roles that women are playing. Let us put this behind us, and clear up some things that have been....lost is the shuffle.
1. I differentiated between Men and Women for reasons other than procreation. Which should be obvious to all involved since male-male & female-female relationships are sometimes more stable then the hetro mess that some people are calling marriage. but that's another topic. Women should not look like men. I know that being comfortable might be "important" but it is not something that you are entitled to every minute of the day. Basketball shorts and crocks are not a good look. Jeans should go back to being something worn on sundays in the yard.
2. You were given curves for a reason. You were not made a size 2 naturally (well, Kell-Bell excluded who obviously bends all rules governing the universe and looks 25 at 52). You were also not made a size 22 on purpose. Those who eat too little and those who eat too much, are not doing yourselves any favors! Curves are gorg.eous. please please please embrace them. Worship at the alter of your booty!
3. Being a career woman and being feminine are not mutually exclusive. You can do both, I assure you! Look at Hilary Clinton - and run in the opposite direction! - of her clothing (and her politics, but yet again, that we'll save for another letter and another day). Pant suits in every color in the spectrum is not something to be pined after. If I had it my way, pant suits would be burned quite like bras were back in the day.
4. Don't burn your bra. Sleep in it. It keeps your boobs perky.
5. Heels are your friend. I know they hurt but life is full of painful things. Like waxing. and Thongs. Think of it this way: your pain increases but so does the length of your leg and the regalness of your posture. Unless you're a stay-at-home mom who is chasing children around, put in a slight effort to wear heels.
6. if you're a stay-at-home mom who is chasing children around, don't let me catch you in Crocks. They're hideous. Vomit-inducing. and sad. You stand on your feet all day. They are what holds you upright. The least you can do is make them look pretty. They make these things called "flats" these days. they're cute, colorful, and sometimes sparkley. Wear those instead.
7. Be yourself. Unless "yourself" involves being braless and wearing crocks. If so, change.

I hope that the above points have cleared up the recent miscommunication that we have experienced. I will contact you in the future to check on your progress and answer any pressing questions that you may be plagued with.

best regards,
The Divine Presence.