Men....

I can't seem to make a decision pertaining to men in general. My taste is constantly changing and usually off track of what I know is good for me. But why is that a bad thing? In other aspects of life, indulgence is good for you....like a release. take fast food for instance. I don't usually get fast food (maybe twice a month) but every now and then I can indulge. I don't always date the wrong men but every now and then I dabble in the uncomittable. (yes, I know that's not a word). I go for the guy who has that air of confidence about him. The one who knows or has a pretty good idea that women want him. You can see it in his eyes.
I've got a pretty good idea that I'm the same challenge for them. I see the look in men because I can mirror it with scary accuracy. The world is my runway. I'm the "uncommitable" girl. The one who doesn't date. The tease. blah, blah blah. And no, I'm not offended. But I'd be lying if I were saying that being as such was something I am particularly proud of. It's a moot point really. It's just who I am. One day it'll change but I'm not settling until I feel the spark again. You need the spark. As Phoebe said in Friends, "he's her lobster." Why just date to date when there is no chance the person across the table is your "lobster?" I'm all about efficiency. that just seems inefficient. but I digress....
No wait. I'm not done with this stand of topic. I'm all about the chance...about 80% of the time. I think I cant have him...and then, when alas, it turns out I can have him, I no longer want him. I still haven't figured out who I am trying to prove this "I can get that boy" mentality to, but I do know who's in the running: (1) the boy, (2) myself, (3) everyone else. The problem is my goal is off base. The goal in a relationship should be long term/love/friendship. My goal has always been very straight forward: to win. Here is my letter to myself:

Dear Lindsey,
Thank you for your participation in this game over the years. Your commitment level has been inspiring, but we no longer are in need of your services. You must be under the age of "responsible" to ride this ride. Listed below are the reasons we have deemed you responsible enough to no longer need the game. In no particular order:
you're graduating law school
you're 24
soon your parents will cut you off
it's time.

Sincerely,
Life.

I saw a guy walking across the quad today with a man who looked to be his father. the guy was in a kennel club shirt from probably 2007, ripped Abecrombie jeans that hung off his hips, and sneakers. His father, the man I'm dubbing Silver Fox, was in a black zip up jacket, nice fitting dark-wash jeans, and loafers. I checked them both out pretty quickly, natural reaction style, and surprised myself! I was more attracted to the responsible looking older man, over the early-20's boy. Maybe if he'd had that "I know I'm hot" look on his face I would have swooned...we'll never know.
The point is, I want to change. I'm like the person standing outside the AA meeting taking her last pull off the bottle shouting, "hold on one sec! Don't start without me! (chug chug)."
Maybe the bottle goes back in my purse. Maybe it goes in the recycling right next to my bottle of Evian (that reminds me, my wine bottles are stacking up by the door and need to be recycled...) Maybe I switch to beer. (maybe this analogy has gotten off track)
The point is, I'm conscious of my actions and that eventually, I'll let someone in. I just don't see the point if I don't like the guy.