Ian (brother), Meredith (brother's girlfriend) and I went to see a band name Miike Snow this fall in Seattle. It is a "standing room only" sort of thing. So after getting a few drinks at the bar (priorities right?) we decided to muscle our way to the front...with me leading the pack. After using my seeming-innocence with the men, and my right-elbow-to-the-ribs with the females, we made it to the stage! It's there that Ian tells me not to let anyone muscle past me...no matter what! Do not give me a direct order without believing that I'll follow it. Soooo...I get pushed in the back. I turn around swingin'. Don't mess with a country girl. I'll hit you in the face. Seriously. Just ask The Bear (college slut) or Sara Z. (cheer friend who bet me I wouldn't do it). I think the look on Meredith's face was shock and awe. Ian just looked embarrassed. The rest of the concert I felt like an idiot, which didn't stop me from proceeding to almost get in a few more fights. But that one guy deserved it!
Before the concert I knew this was going to happen. I don't like crowds. Being shoved into a small space with a whole bunch of morons makes me lose my breath (and my mind). I'd rather spare my heart the palpitations and just stay home. It's how I've always been at concerts. I used to think it was claustrophobic (or hypochondria either or) because when I'm closed in I feel anxious...for lack of a better word. But there are other times where I feel like I may faint or hyperventilate, for little to no reason.
Today I had a to-do list (which gives me anxiety inandof itself): pick up dry cleaning, pick up camera at best buy, 3 mile run, lifting-legs day, studying and school. I woke up at 7am thinking about this list and couldn't get back to sleep. Just thinking about it made my throat close just a smidge. I had until 6pm to get all this done. That's like, almost 12 hours. I mean, what if there is traffic? what if I can't find a parking space at best buy? what if I get in an accident? What if I lose motivation to run? What if...I stop being such a princess drama queen and just shut the F up. Even typing it out makes me feel both silly and anxious. The funny thing is, I did all of these things by 1pm. With time to make myself a delicious lunch. WTF is wrong with me?! Personally, I blame my parents. For a few reasons: the first being that I'm too perfect...it can't be something wrong with me, and secondly, everyone gets to blame their parents for something and this seems like a perfectly good opportunity to use my "blame the parents" card.
What it probably is (because I didn't feel like this ever in Cashmere or Spokane) is that the big bad city is a teensy bit overwhelming for me. I think, like that maybe I have a flaw!!! SHIT! Is like what it feels like to be you?! ....how do you like, deal?! Once I get used to the hustle and bustle this small flaw will dissipate and all will be well. For now though, I think I'm going to stick to taking the bus and avoid the Showbox concert hall.
that's all for now.
--LJW
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