love & war

Love is a battlefield. - Jordin Sparks. Heartbreak warfare. - John Mayer

Why all of the violent war references when discussing matters of the heart? Why are love and hate so closely tied? It's the ying and yang of the world I guess - opposites always coming together (cue Paula Abdul's "Opposites attract.") But I have to beg to differ. In fact, I think that if love were really a battlefield, it would be much more easy to navigate.
Love is not a battlefield. It's so much worse than that. The analogy is close, but you're in the wrong branch of the government. Love is better described as a political strategy: a power play. Think about it: on a battlefield the lines are clearly drawn. Us v. Them. Good v. Osama Bin Laden/Cuba/Heidi Montag. You know..the general evils of this world. Everyone has their weapons drawn and we know a little bit, depending on our level of intelligence, about the opponent. Strap on your guns people, we're going to war! If I were in the military I think that my outfit would look something like Lara Crofts. Hot and sexy but will totally beat your ass. Booty shorts and all. My point is, war is fairly clear all things considered. Where love is a complete different story!
When i say politics, say the first thing that comes to mind. (john Edwards' love child. making money over making peace. saying one thing and meaning another. putting up for appearances. really ugly suits.) In politics, you say that you'll do all of these great things, make the world that we all live in a better place, blah blah word vomit all over. Love is sort of the same way. In the beginning, before you're elected to the position of boyfriend or girlfriend, you make all these promises: you cook, clean, still go to the gym, put on make up, wear sexy lingerie, shave!!, don't say anything about the crap you find really annoying. But then you're elected! Public affection! The campaign stops and you see your new office for the first time. It's one day later and you're already thinking about redecorating. "You cannot wear that out honey! It has a hole in it." "your butt is showing." "you look slutty." "you look gay." Of course we want to do all of the hard labor ourselves and never call for the professionals to come decorate for us.
And to complicate matters, our subjects are in an uprise! Your friends miss you and say you've changed. "You were supposed to meet me at spinning class...god forbid I sweat alone!" Politicians never keep their promises (Yes we can??) They're rarely faithful - dont make me list them all, I'll be here all night. And did I mention the suits?! I mean come on....with all that money, how do you look so cheap!! (Hilary.)
My (cynical) point is, I think that if love were really about warfare, I'd be super good at it! But it's not that simple. Love is a political power play full of secrets. smoke and mirrors. and, god forbid, emotions. (!!!!!!!)

But, food for thought: if what you experience is really that close to politics, it's probably not love at all. It's probably a failing relationship and you should abandon ship before you're caught in the undertow.
That is all.

Let's play pretend

Everyone hides.
It's a line from the Showtime show Dexter that I can't get out of my head. Everyone hides. So true. per usual, it's some one-liner that has me inspired to blog.
This got me thinking about people's perceptions of others and how off they can be. My friends from Cashmere, from home, think I'm the biggest girly-girl to ever be born and bred in the country. I wear heels. lipstick (eee gasp!). Pink (offensive much?). To them, I'm a ditzy air-head who somehow slept her way into law school (I mean, there's no way I'm smart....right? **there is a difference between book smart and common sense smart!). It's not their fault that they see me like this. That is the role I play within the Cashmere group of friends. Everyone has their place and mine just happens to be covered in pink and shiny things! I love things that glitter! True story. Pete always makes fun of my short attention span and that I'm easily distrac...ooooh shiny things! Chanel, Rachel, & Sarah, my undergrad besties, would concur with Cashmere. Though Sarah has me beat.
My friends at law school think this interpretation of me is hilarious and completely untrue. Nat and Jenn quite often tell me I act to things like a guy, think like a guy, and (as my foul mouth can attest) react like a guy. A guy with a killer booty! psh. please. I tell them that I hang out with mostly guys and relate to them better, hence how I act/react. I don't care if my friend dates my ex. I didn't want to date him anymore and as far as I'm concerned...can't we all just get along? I hate confrontation. i think that's what it is.
But is this playing pretend, or is this "hiding"?
Dexter, for some background info, is a serial killer by night and stand out guy by day. it's true when you think about it. there is always something that we're hiding, whether it be small things like that Tina Turner CD (Beau), or something big like purging after large meals or being gay. I've learned not to hide anymore. it's not that I wear my past on my sleeve or particularly like to talk about what I hid, it's that I don't let it get to me anymore. It's no longer my elephant in my room. it's my figurine on the mantle. I've also learned that our experiences, when shared, can help guide others who are struggling to find air in similar waters. if you know what I mean.
People hide in a number of ways: whether it be literally hiding something or covering something up. It's not that we don't want to share, it's just that we don't think society will accept it...or even worse...that we ourselves wont accept it. Like when you say it out loud it becomes real. The words make the difference - the difference between plywood forms & rebar v. freshly poured concrete. That shit's permanent. for instance: last year at this time I was depressed. I didn't say it or even really know it then, but I know it now because now I'm not. I'm free. I'm not sure how, but I wont ask questions. Maybe it wasn't truly "clinical depression" in the definitional sense of the word....all I know is that you can't call whatever that was "happy." Maybe it's the nearly 10 lb's I've lost. Maybe it's not. Needless to say I wont be gaining them back just for the sake of finding out! When it comes down to it, i think life is too precious, too finite to "hide." But I get why Dexter hides...I would too if i chopped up criminals in my free time.

here are some things that I don't think we should hide:

Sexual orientation (be you.)
mental disorders
hating your job (life's too short)
That you're good at something
that you're not.
That you're unhappy (life's too short)
If you love pink. and glitter
Loving Britney Spears!!!
Your feelings

I'm a big fan of lists :)

Did I look that dumb in undergrad?

I love going back onto the undergrad campus and people watching. Although it makes me feel old (dear god I'll be 25 next month), undergrads are some serious entertainment. The younger the better (that's what she said). I walked by 14 girls before I saw someone with normal clothes on! The first 14 people, and probably the 14 after that one sane girl, had either leggings, sweats, or jeans tucked into Uggs or Ugg knockoffs. There is one thing I hate more than uggs tucked into leg-wear of some sort...and that is crocks. deciding between the lesser of the two evils, I'll take Uggs. How is that a cute look? How is that style? What the hell kind of message are you trying to say? I venture to say that it's something along the lines of, "like....I mean, everyone else wears them and like, i don't wanna feel left out. Plus they're like super expensive and i want people to think that I'm rich. Plus like the basketball team's girlfriends wear them so they've like got to be cool." Gag. Me. As an ex-girlfriend of a member of the basketball team, I did not and will not own Uggs.
sheep.
This is not saying that I haven't fallen victim to a heinous trend to be part of the group. I'm prone to fashion failure as well....doesn't stop me from judging others ;) BUT.... I never wore my jean skirt with my leggings and my Uggs. I never "bared my midriff." In public. I current do not wear skinny jeans.
Skinny jeans - don't get me started. I mean really, it just comes down to me being jealous of the people who can pull them off. And if you can (i.e. you're over 5'7 AND under 120lb) I give you snaps.** And yes....you can see right through me like I've bathed in windex: jealous. Alas, I am not such a woman. But too often they are worn by people who have NO business being near them. They're "skinny" jeans for a reason. Those damn things should have a weight limit on the tag! Like a warning label. WARNING: unless you're over 5'7 AND under 120 lb these will make you look squatty and bring attention to your bottom. And Lindsey Wehmeyer will judge you. - Let me make a minor amendment: If you are shorter than 5'7 and are finding my requirements for tight pants too stringent, I'll reserve judgment for skinny, short people that miraculously don't look like midgets in skinny jeans. That makes me even more jealous actually because I can't help my height (I blame KellBell) but I could help my weight (I blame wine). So good for you! Congrats! I'll try not to hate you. try.

eating missionaries for dinner

So I read a new book. It's called "Getting Stoned with Savages" and about the author's travels through the Vanuatu and Fiji in the south pacific. He becomes obsessed with finding out everything he can about the one thing he can't understand: cannibalism. I can't help but agree (oddly enough) - what is it with eating people? I'm a carnivore and proud of it (I order my steak rare. bleeding perhaps), but a person would sorta creep me out. I draw the line there. Maybe if I were on the plane with the people from the movie Alive. You know, basic human survival instincts and all. I would cut a bitch. But this isn't about what I think, but more about the whole subject, so moving on.

While in the Fiji museum he ran into a Bible from the Methodist reverend Thomas Baker. Next to his Bible was the dish in which some of Mr. Baker's flesh was presented to one of the highland chiefs. And the fork used to eat he's flesh. And Mr. Baker's shoe....the only thing left after they ATE HIM.
The author goes on to share his views on missionaries....which I thought was funny and I add it not to offend but as a discussion topic. (and by discussion I mean for me to talk about...seems kinda one-sided but whatev). If you can't laugh at yourself (or your group/affiliation) then you aren't allowed to laugh at others.
Generally, when it came to missionaries, I rooted for the home team. "My god is better than your god" always struck me as an argument that was just a trifle presumptuous. What if the missionaries were wrong? What if the divine creator was actually Isis, the goddess of fertility? She'd be pissed, wouldn't she? Nevertheless, after just a brief exploration of Fijian history, I couln't hep but cheer for the Methodists.
I can't help but cheer for them either! A simple, "No thanks but safe travels!" would have worked much better than. "rrrawwww" - knife wielding cannibals. Break bread. Not bones. But if it makes anyone feel better, the tribe who killed him felt badly about it after and presented the Methodist church with a whales tooth. Which I guess is like the highest form of "I apologize for eating your reverend" in Fiji at that time. They no longer "eat the man" over there. I think that would put a bit of a damper of tourism if the visitors were being offered as the nightly special.
But taking that tangent....how would you go about pricing human flesh? Would Methodists be more or less expensive than Catholics or Mormons? Would beauty be taken into account? I mean, can you just see the problem you'd face when ordering your meal? "I'll have the blonde Mormon with the good pecks. Oh and hold the freckles." I don't think that people with freckles should be eaten. We're too awesome.

Kind of morbid topic but I've been left in my apartment by myself for far too long. If you'd like a better topic, bring KB back to me.

So I kinda sucked this trip....

I want to apologize for sucking so much at writing on the blog! I'm sorry! lo siento! my bad. BUT do not dismay....I wrote a journal almost every day of the trip and will try to upchuck some of that onto the blog periodically. Also I've read some interesting books that I wanted to chat about. One being "Getting Stoned with Savages" about the South Pacific. Which NZ is sorta a part of geographically. So I have some funny antidotes to relay about it.

LIFE UPDATE: I'm moving to Seattle in May! I'm getting out of Spokane! I get to be by Ian, grandpa & Paula Wehmeyer, aunt Karrie, aunt Kim, Kris, Kirk, etc. family and friends! It's all very awesome stuff. The reason being, I was accepted to the University of Washington school of law LLM of taxation program. In short meaning, I'm going to get my legal masters in tax law. woohoo! so if you're in Seattle, prepare for my arrival....because it'll be epic :)