I can't lie

So I'm sitting here in the library like a good little law student (weird) and procrastinating both the rest of my practice quiz and the gym. All at the same time! I know....it's a talent. I got it from Satan. Right along with my lack of compassion for others. Where was I? Oh right....about last night.

Last night my friend Pat had a pre-thanksgiving Thanksgiving dinner/get together. I was super excited because this guy that I have a huge school-girl esque crush on was there. We shall call him Body. Since his is fabulous and I don't want to disclose names. So I was standing with my usual gaggle of girlfriends by the door when he came in. The minute I saw him I smiled and got the door for him. I'm amazingly un-coodinated and awkward around guys I like. That's like the sign that I like you - If I'm charming...I'm just not that into you. So I turn back to my group of girls and they're all laughing and whispering. Girls....mean. Natalie turns to me and says, "way to be obvious that you're in love with Body! Your face just lit up when he came in and your eyes got all sparklie!" I tried to be like all, "nuh-ah" but I was caught. I'm smitten...leave me alone! All of this was just funny until Jenn added, "Linds can't hide anything. It's like your face is an open book. Though most of the time I notice your facial expression because you're judging someone. Which is funny to watch you do!" Again, I have no response that saves me from this little nugget of truth. I've never been a good liar. And I've always been a tad on the judgmental side. I think that this part of my personality should be coveted though! As a girlfriend, I'll never tell you that you look cute or skinny when you don't! Friends don't let friends out of the house looking ugly. duh. I don't judge my friends....usually. Mostly its silent judgment and it's directed at people I don't know! I fail to see how this is a bad thing. (deny deny deny) Another thing this may stem from is my dislike for fake people. I'd rather you ignore me than say hi when you don't want to. I'll ignore you too and it'll be all good!
Later in the night one of the crossfit members (crossfit is the name of the gym I go to), Cody, asked me how long I've been in love with Body. Of course my mouth dropped and I managed to stammer out, "how did you know?!" Damn my inability to be subtle! Years. Years is the answer to that question. So here is a list of the qualities I'm unable to encompass v. the ones that I am:

Things I suck at (but you love me regardless):
subtly
lying
fake emotions
being ugly
humility ;)

Things I rock at!:
shakin' my booty
telling it like it is
opinions - i have lots of them
judging others
eating

that's just the short list because I'm being lazy. Ok....off to the gym :)

To Women

Well since my last post turned into a letter to myself through digression, I've decided to write a letter to women everywhere. it's based on my disappointment in their demeanor, dress, decisions, and well....shoes (I tried to think of a word for shoe that started with a "d" to continue the pattern but failed. Which I must say I don't do often). This letter stems from my new found passion with the show Mad Men. It just wrapped it's 3rd season on AMC. It's about life, love, and the world in the 1960's. It is also about female fabulousness and fashion...which is probably why I love it so much!
First, there is Joan. She is the head secretary at the advertising firm on Madison Avenue ("Mad" Men. get it?) She is the red head above this post. She has curves for days and an ass that won't quit! And the men on the show lust after her, but they also respect her because of the way that she handles herself. She knows how men and women respond to her look and she uses that to her advantage without losing her integrity.
Modern women have driven this stake between being taken seriously and being recognized ONLY for the work that they do, and the natural female sensuality. My roommate Kristin and I watch the show together and the other night she said to me, "Is it bad that I use the fact that I know men think I'm pretty to my advantage?" Anyone who knows me probably knows my response: Of course not! ....cause I do that also. I mean, why let it go to waste? And if my smile (and/or my booty) is the only thing that will set me apart from the heard, you best believe I'll be smilin' my ass off! Really....these teeth cost too much not to get some face time ;)
Joan is my favorite character. She knows who she is, what she wants, and doesn't let anyone stand in her way of her dreams. it's a great and empowering though right?

Then there is Betty Draper. She is the beautiful but brooding housewife to the main character, Don Draper. Who is gorg.eous. (yes, the punctuation was on purpose because his beauty deserves to be drawn out). I've just realized that this post is probably boring and long for those who don't know the show. Anyway, one more point before I get to my letter. Often we see Betty dressing up or dressing down and get a peak at her panties. ;) They look cumbersome but incredibly flatering! Girls didn't have the ever-present and awful "muffin top" back then because they were wearing the correct under-garments! - side note: for those who don't know what a muffin top is, it's when your pants are too fight and your extra fat/skin comes out the top of the waist-line. HUGE pet-peeve of mine. Ignore the size of the pant, wear what fits damnit!! And zero is not a size just FYI. No matter what the tag says, love every inch of yourself because, quite frankly, life is too short not to. Disclaimer: the below letter is mostly directed to girls in my generation. And not to be taken completely seriously as I am currently writing this post in jeans, Chuck martin shoes, and a sweatshirt. (though my below point about Crocks is to be taken as seriously as the word of Joseph Smith (hahahahaha!) but no really.)
So here it is, my letter to women (narrated by god/allah/jesus/Krishna/Buddah/my personal savior: Coco Chanel:

Dear ladies,

In review of the past few decades I cannot help but notice that there has been a decline in the use of the tools given to you. I choose to believe that this oversight is not on purpose and rather an unfortunate casualty of the new roles that women are playing. Let us put this behind us, and clear up some things that have been....lost is the shuffle.
1. I differentiated between Men and Women for reasons other than procreation. Which should be obvious to all involved since male-male & female-female relationships are sometimes more stable then the hetro mess that some people are calling marriage. but that's another topic. Women should not look like men. I know that being comfortable might be "important" but it is not something that you are entitled to every minute of the day. Basketball shorts and crocks are not a good look. Jeans should go back to being something worn on sundays in the yard.
2. You were given curves for a reason. You were not made a size 2 naturally (well, Kell-Bell excluded who obviously bends all rules governing the universe and looks 25 at 52). You were also not made a size 22 on purpose. Those who eat too little and those who eat too much, are not doing yourselves any favors! Curves are gorg.eous. please please please embrace them. Worship at the alter of your booty!
3. Being a career woman and being feminine are not mutually exclusive. You can do both, I assure you! Look at Hilary Clinton - and run in the opposite direction! - of her clothing (and her politics, but yet again, that we'll save for another letter and another day). Pant suits in every color in the spectrum is not something to be pined after. If I had it my way, pant suits would be burned quite like bras were back in the day.
4. Don't burn your bra. Sleep in it. It keeps your boobs perky.
5. Heels are your friend. I know they hurt but life is full of painful things. Like waxing. and Thongs. Think of it this way: your pain increases but so does the length of your leg and the regalness of your posture. Unless you're a stay-at-home mom who is chasing children around, put in a slight effort to wear heels.
6. if you're a stay-at-home mom who is chasing children around, don't let me catch you in Crocks. They're hideous. Vomit-inducing. and sad. You stand on your feet all day. They are what holds you upright. The least you can do is make them look pretty. They make these things called "flats" these days. they're cute, colorful, and sometimes sparkley. Wear those instead.
7. Be yourself. Unless "yourself" involves being braless and wearing crocks. If so, change.

I hope that the above points have cleared up the recent miscommunication that we have experienced. I will contact you in the future to check on your progress and answer any pressing questions that you may be plagued with.

best regards,
The Divine Presence.

Men....

I can't seem to make a decision pertaining to men in general. My taste is constantly changing and usually off track of what I know is good for me. But why is that a bad thing? In other aspects of life, indulgence is good for you....like a release. take fast food for instance. I don't usually get fast food (maybe twice a month) but every now and then I can indulge. I don't always date the wrong men but every now and then I dabble in the uncomittable. (yes, I know that's not a word). I go for the guy who has that air of confidence about him. The one who knows or has a pretty good idea that women want him. You can see it in his eyes.
I've got a pretty good idea that I'm the same challenge for them. I see the look in men because I can mirror it with scary accuracy. The world is my runway. I'm the "uncommitable" girl. The one who doesn't date. The tease. blah, blah blah. And no, I'm not offended. But I'd be lying if I were saying that being as such was something I am particularly proud of. It's a moot point really. It's just who I am. One day it'll change but I'm not settling until I feel the spark again. You need the spark. As Phoebe said in Friends, "he's her lobster." Why just date to date when there is no chance the person across the table is your "lobster?" I'm all about efficiency. that just seems inefficient. but I digress....
No wait. I'm not done with this stand of topic. I'm all about the chance...about 80% of the time. I think I cant have him...and then, when alas, it turns out I can have him, I no longer want him. I still haven't figured out who I am trying to prove this "I can get that boy" mentality to, but I do know who's in the running: (1) the boy, (2) myself, (3) everyone else. The problem is my goal is off base. The goal in a relationship should be long term/love/friendship. My goal has always been very straight forward: to win. Here is my letter to myself:

Dear Lindsey,
Thank you for your participation in this game over the years. Your commitment level has been inspiring, but we no longer are in need of your services. You must be under the age of "responsible" to ride this ride. Listed below are the reasons we have deemed you responsible enough to no longer need the game. In no particular order:
you're graduating law school
you're 24
soon your parents will cut you off
it's time.

Sincerely,
Life.

I saw a guy walking across the quad today with a man who looked to be his father. the guy was in a kennel club shirt from probably 2007, ripped Abecrombie jeans that hung off his hips, and sneakers. His father, the man I'm dubbing Silver Fox, was in a black zip up jacket, nice fitting dark-wash jeans, and loafers. I checked them both out pretty quickly, natural reaction style, and surprised myself! I was more attracted to the responsible looking older man, over the early-20's boy. Maybe if he'd had that "I know I'm hot" look on his face I would have swooned...we'll never know.
The point is, I want to change. I'm like the person standing outside the AA meeting taking her last pull off the bottle shouting, "hold on one sec! Don't start without me! (chug chug)."
Maybe the bottle goes back in my purse. Maybe it goes in the recycling right next to my bottle of Evian (that reminds me, my wine bottles are stacking up by the door and need to be recycled...) Maybe I switch to beer. (maybe this analogy has gotten off track)
The point is, I'm conscious of my actions and that eventually, I'll let someone in. I just don't see the point if I don't like the guy.

Best Friend

The other night I felt like curling up into bed and watching a good movie, so I went to Blockbuster and rented Marley and Me. If you haven't seen it it's about a young newly-wed couple who get a golden lab together. Marley is quite the hellion! But I feel like you deserve a bit of chaos if you're stupid enough to buy a lab. True to form, this dog chews up everything, jumps on everyone, can't walk on a leash, and the only people who love him are his owners. But there were two traits of Marley's that made me fall in love with him as well: his unconditional devotion to John and Jennie, and his fear of thunderstorms. The former may make more sense than the latter.
when I was a little girl I had a best friend, our golden retriever Brandy. She had a way of knowing when I was sick, upset, angry, and even happy. She made everything better. She listened and somehow, I knew that she understood. Brandy had the demeanor of a mother, grandmother, and 5 year old all wrapped up in one. We got her when I was 4 years old. She died when I was 17. Until that day, I literally had no idea what life was like without her. Whenever Ian was being mean to me and excluding me from his games (meany face) Brandy would play with me. I remember Karina and I used to try to dress her up. I think that's where Brandy's patience ended. Her long life ended on Ian's last day of high school. With all the courage he could muster, he buried our best friend in the yard by the garden. She'd been there for both of us through it all. I didn't know it would be so hard to lose a dog. I mean, it's just a pet right? ha! Goldens always look like their smiling, and Brandy was no exception. She was truly happy to see every single one of us, every single time we came within her sights. After her death my family and I didn't think we could go through it again and decided not to get another dog.
a few years later, with the house empty of children, my parents changed their minds. And we got Cooper. Best decision ever! Even though he hates to sleep on the bed with people and flat out refuses to play catch, he's just playful and definitely just as happy to see you. Though I wish he'd give more kisses :) Brandy would knock you down trying to lick your face! I used to hate it but now I miss it. (damn you human nature making me want what I can't have!).
I miss Coop. I worry about how we're all going to take it when he goes. But he's only 5 yrs old and I'm more of a "live in denial"/"we'll worry about that bridge when its crossed" kinda girl. For right now I'll just enjoy him whenever I can! Someday I'll have my own golden retriever to spoil like crazy. Until then, I have my baby Coop.

marriage with children

...seems to be the next step in life. At least for my friends. The past two years I've had many friends tie the knot and a few even have kids. I think it all started to sink in when the annual Memorial Day Weekend party had a play pin! I even got to hear the line, "here hold my kid while I shotgun this beer." That quote is disturbing to me. It's like my generation didn't get the full memo about life's next step. The memo should say: "in your mid-20's you should find someone who you love and who loves you back and marry that person. Have children. Grow up and settle down." My generation, under the any-excuse-to-party moto, got drunk in celebration of getting married and was too wasted to read the rest of life's memo. the whole "grow up" thing just hasn't happen for some of them.

9/11

Today is the anniversary of that terrible day. I never forget where I was when I first heard about this tragedy. I had just woken up and was getting ready for highschool as I always did: sitting cross-legged in front of my mirror curling my hair and putting on mascara (the only makeup I wore back when I didn't have bags under my eyes...). I was listening to 104.7, the local country radio station. When I'm back in Cashmere I still listen to this station. They interrupted a song to announce that a plane had crashed into the south tower. I remember not believing them. I mean, I once believed their "April fools" announcement that the Wenatchee river was flowing the opposite direction! My gullibility is astounding....I'm aware. I digress. I went into the basement living room and turned on the TV just to make sure. I don't know how long I stood there staring at the TV in utter disbelief. I probably looked like a statue. Watching the towers burn. The second plane hit. Flight 93's plight. It was just too much.
So of course that day in school all we did in every class was watch the TV. I called my mom later that day to make sure that Brent and Sarah were okay. They live and work in NYC.
Tragedy and I disagree. The way that I deal with things that are uncomfortable for me is through sarcasm. So I spent the day making jokes about the end of the world and other inappropriate comments about how I can't possibly die before losing my virginity! (ear muffs mom). Terrible, I know. As a 16 year old kid though, I had no idea how to deal with this type of large-scale tragedy. And being on the west coast, I felt very detached from it all.

I thought that being around Muslims in India would be hard and that my prejudice may flare up. Quite the opposite happened though. One of my best friends from that experience is Muslim. Just like any religion, the people behind terror are fundamentalists and do not represent the majority. Just because someone wears a turban, doesn't mean they're plotting our demise. In the US we live in our own little fish bowl and don't get exposed to eastern religions all that often. Maybe instead of just mourning those who we lost, we should seek to understand.
....And now I officially sound like a democrat. shit. ;)

25 random things about me

This was a quiz that went around facebook a while back. Just thought it was an interesting insight into my life :) It's a fun exercise!

1. I prefer to communicate through sarcasm.

2. I'm always on time or 5 minutes early and HATE being late! Because I'm always on time I hate waiting for others and it's one of my biggest pet peeves. I don't make you wait for me, don't make me wait for you! This pet peeve msotly developed during cheer for GU. (Erin knows what I'm talkin about!)

3. My Cashmere friends are fiercely loyal, halarious, unique, and some of the most inspiring people I've ever met! They are who they are and love themselves for that simple matter. There is never a dull moment when cashmere kids get together!! They're also crazy. And I love them for that! Though I hate it when they make me play moose! I don't have the reaction time to be any good.

4. Sometimes i feel like my life would be easier if i were two different people: meaning, my life sometimes feels like it pulls in two opposite directions.

5. I'm stubborn. and dammit, I'm not changing!

6. I like to sew and make my own clothes. Though I rarely get time to complete a sewing project!

7. I talk to my Mom at least once a day. My parents and my brother are my best friends.

8. I spent a year of my life thinking that I could lose my mom at a moment's notice and it was hell on earth. I didn't realize how much it hurt until it was over. Love you K-dub!

9. When I'm dancing (in dance class or rehearsals, not like at a club) my brain just turns off. It's the most peace I've ever found here on earth.

10. I love the silence that surrounds me while scuba diving. All you can hear is your own breathing.

11. I'm dead set on never losing the ability to do the splits! I can still do them!!

12. I actually like to work out and if I don't get to go for a run or to yoga, I tend to get very testy/pissy.

13. I have a weakness for french fries and nachos!! mmmm....salty goodness....

14. Make me laugh and you'll be in my heart forever! I love love love to laugh

15. I suck at spelling. I also hate it when people use big words just so that others will think they're intelligent. maybe it's cause I don't have a super large vocab. :)

16. Ken Hoffman's Psychology of Transcendence seriously changed my life.

17. I forgive easily and hate dwelling on the past and on other things that I do not have the ability to change. If someone has done me wrong, it's done. No reason to let it ruin my day/week/month. If you can't change it, let it go. It's not worth your energy. Use your energy to go out with friends and get a martini.

18. I love college basketball! Esp. GONZAGA!

19. I think we should cancel pro sports for one year, take their salaries, and pay off our national debt. Seriously, where are our priorities? (PS: I really dislike pro anything except tennis and baseball)

20. I rarely put a "g" on the end of words ending in "ing." I think it's my Cashmere influence

21. The true sign of comfort for me is being able to just sit next to someone and enjoy the silence. There is something so lovely about it.

22. I'm going to make Peter Cruickshank be my maid of honor ;) [insert Pete-ism about how he aint no one's maid of honor and I can go suck it :incoherent rant: here]

23. I decided that I wanted to be a lawyer at 10 years old in Mrs. Ryan's class when she asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. (please refer to #5 for reason I'm in law school)

24. I love shoes!!!! and clothes. and owe Nordstroms way more money than I should. If you wanna get me a sweet b-day present, Juicy Couture is always a safe bet!!

25. I'm not very openly religious because I think mainstream religion has become bullshit, but I collect crosses in an effort to understand how different cultures express religion/god/jesus/buddah/

love.