I can't lie

So I'm sitting here in the library like a good little law student (weird) and procrastinating both the rest of my practice quiz and the gym. All at the same time! I know....it's a talent. I got it from Satan. Right along with my lack of compassion for others. Where was I? Oh right....about last night.

Last night my friend Pat had a pre-thanksgiving Thanksgiving dinner/get together. I was super excited because this guy that I have a huge school-girl esque crush on was there. We shall call him Body. Since his is fabulous and I don't want to disclose names. So I was standing with my usual gaggle of girlfriends by the door when he came in. The minute I saw him I smiled and got the door for him. I'm amazingly un-coodinated and awkward around guys I like. That's like the sign that I like you - If I'm charming...I'm just not that into you. So I turn back to my group of girls and they're all laughing and whispering. Girls....mean. Natalie turns to me and says, "way to be obvious that you're in love with Body! Your face just lit up when he came in and your eyes got all sparklie!" I tried to be like all, "nuh-ah" but I was caught. I'm smitten...leave me alone! All of this was just funny until Jenn added, "Linds can't hide anything. It's like your face is an open book. Though most of the time I notice your facial expression because you're judging someone. Which is funny to watch you do!" Again, I have no response that saves me from this little nugget of truth. I've never been a good liar. And I've always been a tad on the judgmental side. I think that this part of my personality should be coveted though! As a girlfriend, I'll never tell you that you look cute or skinny when you don't! Friends don't let friends out of the house looking ugly. duh. I don't judge my friends....usually. Mostly its silent judgment and it's directed at people I don't know! I fail to see how this is a bad thing. (deny deny deny) Another thing this may stem from is my dislike for fake people. I'd rather you ignore me than say hi when you don't want to. I'll ignore you too and it'll be all good!
Later in the night one of the crossfit members (crossfit is the name of the gym I go to), Cody, asked me how long I've been in love with Body. Of course my mouth dropped and I managed to stammer out, "how did you know?!" Damn my inability to be subtle! Years. Years is the answer to that question. So here is a list of the qualities I'm unable to encompass v. the ones that I am:

Things I suck at (but you love me regardless):
subtly
lying
fake emotions
being ugly
humility ;)

Things I rock at!:
shakin' my booty
telling it like it is
opinions - i have lots of them
judging others
eating

that's just the short list because I'm being lazy. Ok....off to the gym :)

To Women

Well since my last post turned into a letter to myself through digression, I've decided to write a letter to women everywhere. it's based on my disappointment in their demeanor, dress, decisions, and well....shoes (I tried to think of a word for shoe that started with a "d" to continue the pattern but failed. Which I must say I don't do often). This letter stems from my new found passion with the show Mad Men. It just wrapped it's 3rd season on AMC. It's about life, love, and the world in the 1960's. It is also about female fabulousness and fashion...which is probably why I love it so much!
First, there is Joan. She is the head secretary at the advertising firm on Madison Avenue ("Mad" Men. get it?) She is the red head above this post. She has curves for days and an ass that won't quit! And the men on the show lust after her, but they also respect her because of the way that she handles herself. She knows how men and women respond to her look and she uses that to her advantage without losing her integrity.
Modern women have driven this stake between being taken seriously and being recognized ONLY for the work that they do, and the natural female sensuality. My roommate Kristin and I watch the show together and the other night she said to me, "Is it bad that I use the fact that I know men think I'm pretty to my advantage?" Anyone who knows me probably knows my response: Of course not! ....cause I do that also. I mean, why let it go to waste? And if my smile (and/or my booty) is the only thing that will set me apart from the heard, you best believe I'll be smilin' my ass off! Really....these teeth cost too much not to get some face time ;)
Joan is my favorite character. She knows who she is, what she wants, and doesn't let anyone stand in her way of her dreams. it's a great and empowering though right?

Then there is Betty Draper. She is the beautiful but brooding housewife to the main character, Don Draper. Who is gorg.eous. (yes, the punctuation was on purpose because his beauty deserves to be drawn out). I've just realized that this post is probably boring and long for those who don't know the show. Anyway, one more point before I get to my letter. Often we see Betty dressing up or dressing down and get a peak at her panties. ;) They look cumbersome but incredibly flatering! Girls didn't have the ever-present and awful "muffin top" back then because they were wearing the correct under-garments! - side note: for those who don't know what a muffin top is, it's when your pants are too fight and your extra fat/skin comes out the top of the waist-line. HUGE pet-peeve of mine. Ignore the size of the pant, wear what fits damnit!! And zero is not a size just FYI. No matter what the tag says, love every inch of yourself because, quite frankly, life is too short not to. Disclaimer: the below letter is mostly directed to girls in my generation. And not to be taken completely seriously as I am currently writing this post in jeans, Chuck martin shoes, and a sweatshirt. (though my below point about Crocks is to be taken as seriously as the word of Joseph Smith (hahahahaha!) but no really.)
So here it is, my letter to women (narrated by god/allah/jesus/Krishna/Buddah/my personal savior: Coco Chanel:

Dear ladies,

In review of the past few decades I cannot help but notice that there has been a decline in the use of the tools given to you. I choose to believe that this oversight is not on purpose and rather an unfortunate casualty of the new roles that women are playing. Let us put this behind us, and clear up some things that have been....lost is the shuffle.
1. I differentiated between Men and Women for reasons other than procreation. Which should be obvious to all involved since male-male & female-female relationships are sometimes more stable then the hetro mess that some people are calling marriage. but that's another topic. Women should not look like men. I know that being comfortable might be "important" but it is not something that you are entitled to every minute of the day. Basketball shorts and crocks are not a good look. Jeans should go back to being something worn on sundays in the yard.
2. You were given curves for a reason. You were not made a size 2 naturally (well, Kell-Bell excluded who obviously bends all rules governing the universe and looks 25 at 52). You were also not made a size 22 on purpose. Those who eat too little and those who eat too much, are not doing yourselves any favors! Curves are gorg.eous. please please please embrace them. Worship at the alter of your booty!
3. Being a career woman and being feminine are not mutually exclusive. You can do both, I assure you! Look at Hilary Clinton - and run in the opposite direction! - of her clothing (and her politics, but yet again, that we'll save for another letter and another day). Pant suits in every color in the spectrum is not something to be pined after. If I had it my way, pant suits would be burned quite like bras were back in the day.
4. Don't burn your bra. Sleep in it. It keeps your boobs perky.
5. Heels are your friend. I know they hurt but life is full of painful things. Like waxing. and Thongs. Think of it this way: your pain increases but so does the length of your leg and the regalness of your posture. Unless you're a stay-at-home mom who is chasing children around, put in a slight effort to wear heels.
6. if you're a stay-at-home mom who is chasing children around, don't let me catch you in Crocks. They're hideous. Vomit-inducing. and sad. You stand on your feet all day. They are what holds you upright. The least you can do is make them look pretty. They make these things called "flats" these days. they're cute, colorful, and sometimes sparkley. Wear those instead.
7. Be yourself. Unless "yourself" involves being braless and wearing crocks. If so, change.

I hope that the above points have cleared up the recent miscommunication that we have experienced. I will contact you in the future to check on your progress and answer any pressing questions that you may be plagued with.

best regards,
The Divine Presence.

Men....

I can't seem to make a decision pertaining to men in general. My taste is constantly changing and usually off track of what I know is good for me. But why is that a bad thing? In other aspects of life, indulgence is good for you....like a release. take fast food for instance. I don't usually get fast food (maybe twice a month) but every now and then I can indulge. I don't always date the wrong men but every now and then I dabble in the uncomittable. (yes, I know that's not a word). I go for the guy who has that air of confidence about him. The one who knows or has a pretty good idea that women want him. You can see it in his eyes.
I've got a pretty good idea that I'm the same challenge for them. I see the look in men because I can mirror it with scary accuracy. The world is my runway. I'm the "uncommitable" girl. The one who doesn't date. The tease. blah, blah blah. And no, I'm not offended. But I'd be lying if I were saying that being as such was something I am particularly proud of. It's a moot point really. It's just who I am. One day it'll change but I'm not settling until I feel the spark again. You need the spark. As Phoebe said in Friends, "he's her lobster." Why just date to date when there is no chance the person across the table is your "lobster?" I'm all about efficiency. that just seems inefficient. but I digress....
No wait. I'm not done with this stand of topic. I'm all about the chance...about 80% of the time. I think I cant have him...and then, when alas, it turns out I can have him, I no longer want him. I still haven't figured out who I am trying to prove this "I can get that boy" mentality to, but I do know who's in the running: (1) the boy, (2) myself, (3) everyone else. The problem is my goal is off base. The goal in a relationship should be long term/love/friendship. My goal has always been very straight forward: to win. Here is my letter to myself:

Dear Lindsey,
Thank you for your participation in this game over the years. Your commitment level has been inspiring, but we no longer are in need of your services. You must be under the age of "responsible" to ride this ride. Listed below are the reasons we have deemed you responsible enough to no longer need the game. In no particular order:
you're graduating law school
you're 24
soon your parents will cut you off
it's time.

Sincerely,
Life.

I saw a guy walking across the quad today with a man who looked to be his father. the guy was in a kennel club shirt from probably 2007, ripped Abecrombie jeans that hung off his hips, and sneakers. His father, the man I'm dubbing Silver Fox, was in a black zip up jacket, nice fitting dark-wash jeans, and loafers. I checked them both out pretty quickly, natural reaction style, and surprised myself! I was more attracted to the responsible looking older man, over the early-20's boy. Maybe if he'd had that "I know I'm hot" look on his face I would have swooned...we'll never know.
The point is, I want to change. I'm like the person standing outside the AA meeting taking her last pull off the bottle shouting, "hold on one sec! Don't start without me! (chug chug)."
Maybe the bottle goes back in my purse. Maybe it goes in the recycling right next to my bottle of Evian (that reminds me, my wine bottles are stacking up by the door and need to be recycled...) Maybe I switch to beer. (maybe this analogy has gotten off track)
The point is, I'm conscious of my actions and that eventually, I'll let someone in. I just don't see the point if I don't like the guy.